Apologies for the almost 2 years of inactivity. What can I say? E. Nesbit’s Psammead used to disappear for thousands and thousands of years. Perhaps if my blog were called The Cockroach…
A lot has happened in the last 2 years. Perhaps the most significant (okay, the most significant) change that has taken place in my life is my relatively young relationship with J. Don’t worry - I’m not going to start filling my blog with accounts of how we met, and where we went for dinner, or the sweet words we exchange with each other. I only brought J up because he’s worth mentioning, and because our relationship has increasingly revealed some things about myself that I need to work on in order to love J (and everyone else) better. It’s the people you love who bring out your true colours.
I’ve found that I lack grace. The other night, I found myself picking on something J said - and he was innocent, I see that now - and blowing a small thing way out of proportion. I refused to back down, and I refused to admit that I was in any way wrong. After my emotions cooled down, I saw that not once during the conversation had I stopped to think about what J was feeling, and how he saw things. I mounted my high horse and waved my righteous banner with the immediate assumption that J had wronged me; that J had been the ‘sinner’. And all the time poor J was trying to be patient with me and cutting me slack.
How selfish I am; how much grace I lack! Forgetting how much grace God has shown me, I show none to others. It isn’t just J I have treated so selfishly. It’s the scores of others I judge day by day - there are so many I’ve failed to love.
Dear God,
You know my every sin and failing. You see the self-centredness and pride. Help me, Lord, to remember Your grace, and to imitate it. Forgive me for scorning You.
Jenna
